Snowjob
Snowjob 'is the 3rd episode of Season 5 and the 43rd episode overall Plot A freak snowstorm cuts power to the town and turns Red into a living snowman… who has to pee really badly. Blue and Pink must find a way to break him free before his bladder explodes. Characters *Red *Blue *Pink *Strippers Transcript ''(In the night, Red holding a bottle is walking from the left in the snow freezing) '''Red: (shivering then starts singing) ''Oh why, oh why, did I get so drunk? I have to pee out of my tree trunk. ''(points to his dick) Narrator: '''And then a whipping winter wind whoosh by, and began to freeze young Red to the bone...r. '''Red: ''(Stops walking)'' 'No. ''(Starts freezing) ''Must... stay... frosty. ''(Completely freezes, unable to move.) (The next screen shows the same area in the morning, but with a snowman standing where Red was frozen. Blue appears along with Pink from the right side.) '''Blue: '''Wow. Look at all this snow! It's beautiful. '''Pink: '''And with the power out, I can finally take off work. '''Blue: Yeah, we can do anything! Go sledding, ice skating, drink hot cocoa, (Zooms in on Blue and Pink) cuddle in a blanket and keep each other warm… Pink: Wait. Blue, aren’t you worried about Red? Didn’t you say he didn’t come home? Blue: '''Oh yeah... Ah, fuck that guy, he's probably dead. '''Red: ''(shouting as Blue and Pink are startled) Fuck YOU, asshole, you're dead! '''Pink: '''Di-did that snowman just curse you out? ''(Red screams as the snowman's head comes off and his head is sticking out of the snowman) Blue: Red? Red: Get me out of here, you jerk! I gotta take a piss! Blue: What are you doing in a snowman? Red: Why aren't you a snowman? I'm cool as an ice cube. Except I gotta PEE! Blue: '''Uh, sorry man. We're kinda getting our snow date on. '''Red: ''(cries) Duude! You gotta help me! I'll do anything. '''Blue: '''Really? Fine. I'll help thaw you out, but you gotta get the ice off my car. '''Red: '''Deal! Now get me out! '''Blue:' Alright, come on dude. (Blue goes behind Red) (Pink picks up a twig from the ground.) Pink: Here, Red. (places the twig on Red's lower half as Blue and her giggle) Red: Hey, hey, use the log, not the twig. Use the log! (Blue pushes Red offscreen) TAKE IT OUT! Lighter (Scene cuts to Blue turning on a lighter and attempting to melt Red's upper half, but it is ineffective.) Matches (Scene cuts to Pink lighting a match and putting it closer to Red's frozen body, attempting to melt the snow, but he bursts into flames as he and Pink start screaming.) Strippers (Scene cuts to 2 strippers rubbing their asses on Red's lower half.) Red: Mmm... Aw yeah. (Both strippers gets frozen and fall to the ground while Red shrieks.) Flint & Steel (Scene cuts to Blue strucking two rocks to create some sparks, but accidently hits Red with a rock.) Red: Ow! (Starts going downward and starts screaming.) (Scene cuts to Red sliding down a cliff while screaming.) (Blue & Pink appear near Red in next clip) Blue: 'Maybe... we could just try breathing on him? '''Red: '''Seriously?! I think I'm getting kidney sto-ho-ones! ''(Blue & Pink start breathing heavily on Red's top half) 'Red: '''Wait, wait, Pink! I think it's actually working. '''Pink: '''Really? ''(Blue continues breathing heavily behind Red) 'Red: '''Try a little lower! ''(Pink bends lower while breathing on Red) 'Red: '''Little lower... ''(Pink breathes on Red's lower half) '''Red: '''Yeaah, right there. Mmmm. '''Blue: ''(realizes) Hey! Red, you asshole! '''Red: '''Snowjob! ''(laughs) (Blue punches Red) Red: 'Ow! ''(continues laughing) (Red is sliding down a cliff once again, while still laughing) ''Red: '(descending) ''I'm gonna snow my load! ''(scene transitions to Blue holding electrocuters standing in front of his car, next to Red & Pink) '''Blue: '''Alright man. This might be the last resort, if this doesn't work I don't know what will. '''Red: '''Duuude! Hurry! My bladder's going supernova! Recurring Gags Episode Ending Normal letter I's, the Dick Figures logo shakes, and the Episode Ending is extended. Then a promo for Dick Figures: The Movie appears. Red Floating None. Auto-tuned Usage None. Last-Line being Cut None. Trivia *This is the first time Red needed help from Blue *First time Pink helped Red out *First Snow-Themed Episode *Pink's debut in Season 5 *Blue might have died in this episode by being set on fire. Gallery Video Category:Episodes Category:Season 5